Right now I am wishing that the little lines and squiggles that we call letters could contain the sounds and ideas, the thoughts swirling around my head. The neat little shapes on the page seem too stringent a structure to form the shape of the jumble that is my mind right now. I really want to be open, to feel less strongly this desire to accomplish a specific goal, to be accepted into a specific program but then I don’t think I would be myself. I am trying to remind myself that this is God’s work that I get to participate in…NOT my work. I can only do so much. And right now I am struggling to remember that, to not carry hope and worry as a burden on my shoulders.
With all this abstract meanderings, my reader must be wondering what I am really talking about. I am still trying to make sense of that myself. Among other things, my plans for next year and the encroaching high-stakes state exam are weighing on my heart. On top of all that, things like personal identity and the meaning/purpose of my life come into play. Would someone please smack me and tell me to lighten up?? I need some sanity knocked back into me…
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January 22, 2010 at 4:09 am
Michael Ochoa
OK, let me be the one to smack you back to reality. Reality has certainly smacked me this month…so I feel qualified to comment. Caley, you have to remember that life is combined of many forces and inflluences, some of which you control, and most of which you do not control. You of all people do know this. God has given men freewill, and so God does not even control everything… bad things can still happen to good people. But these truths are self evident. What we can control is how we respond to the circumstances and events of our lives. And mostly we can control our attitude.
So do not plan every detail of your life, every thing about your career, your future husband, your family. Programming your future happiness upon achieving some particular goal or position is a dangerous game. Certainly you must plan, and certainly one must take the steps to achieve, but the richness of life also depends upon how we respond both to victories and defeats, blessings and adversity.
Love life, and love the unfolding of it. Relax and keep taking the correct steps, accepting that your investment will be rewarded.
Love,
Dad